Fifty Shades of Why

If someone Photoshopped us a movie poster of Fifty Shades: With a Vengeance, I might actually piss myself with glee.

E.L. couldn’t just stop at sprinkles in this metaphorical frozen yogurt place. She had to have raspberries, two kinds of nuts, pineapple, chocolate chips, chocolate sauce, shredded coconut, bananas, and chocolate-covered açaí berries.

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Thanks yet again, Dictionary.com.

Speaking of Dictionary.com, I learned a new word recently: “battology”

Battology (pronounced buh-tol-uh-jee) means “wearisome repetition of words in speaking or writing.” As far as I can tell, it is also E.L. James’ middle name. It may possibly constitute her entire writing philosophy.

“There! Look! What does it say? What language is that?”

Maybe Ana’s heart isn’t straight and that’s why it wants to come out. It’s pounding on her sternum with little angry fists, screaming because it knows that Ana is in love with her best friend, Kate.

Your average medieval Catholic nun probably knew more about sex than Anastasia Steele does.

I misinterpreted “Oh, please,” as sarcastic on the first read-through of this snippet. The one time E.L. could have given a useful description of tone, she chose not to. Goddamn it, E.L.

Apparently Christian likes feet almost as much as Quentin Tarantino likes feet. Just imagine how much better the book would be if the love interest was our favorite director.

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I googled ‘nose with teeth’. Here was the first image result.

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Sexy.