Fifty Shades of Why

“His molten eyes ooze out of his head, leaving trails of charred flesh in their wake.”

I’ve heard a lot of people talk about how hardcore Fifty Shades is. I don’t know if you can call a novel which refuses to call a cock a cock ‘hardcore’.

Well, half the book.

Also: nooooooo. Nooo. No.

Sure, yeah, plenty of us name our dicks. But do we expect our partners to know their names?

“I have no gag reflex, Christian!”

(Image source)

I feel like a literary parrot again.

“E.L’s saying the same thing over and over. E.L’s saying the same thing over and over. E.L’s saying the same thing oooooovvvvvvvvveeeeer aaaaaannnnnddddd oooooovvvvvvvvveeeeer. Squawk.”

We’re going to be caught in a strange loop of sex scenes. HELP.

Apparently soap can cause irritation and skin damage to the inner labia. Good to know.

Here’s my source: 

“If you’ve ever spoken to another human being, watched television, read a book, or turned on the radio, you know [vaginas] are magical entities, enshrouded in mystery and curlicued hairs.”

Thanks, Divine Caroline.

We’re barely a page into the second sex scene in the book and I’m bored already.

I’ve heard “taking no prisoners” before, but it’s been in the context of ruthless business deals and things like that. The implication is that one is in some sort of a battle, and rather than take any prisoners, one is mowing down every enemy in one’s path. That just…that doesn’t make sense in the context of breasts. I hope.