Fifty Shades of Why

Dictionary.com may be unable to love me back, but at least it...

Thu, 23 May 2013 14:01:34 -0400

Dictionary.com may be unable to love me back, but at least it knows the definitions of words.

If you list a bunch of really terrible imagery in 50sog, I'll write a horror novella that takes it all literally. Deal?

Wed, 22 May 2013 19:15:20 -0400

Deal.

I’m still not certain what Ana’s inner goddess is supposed to...

Wed, 22 May 2013 14:01:32 -0400

I’m still not certain what Ana’s inner goddess is supposed to represent. Her ‘subconscious’ is clearly her negative self-talk, but her inner goddess is less clear-cut. The goddess might represent Ana’s sexuality, but I can’t tell. I mean, we’ve only seen her three times thus far.

I’m sure we’ll see many repetitive comments about her in future, with which we will be able to surmise her role in Ana’s overpopulated inner landscape.

Dick, penis, cock, junk, knob, manhood, babymaker, beaver basher, beef whistle, one eyed trouser snake, one eyed trouser mouse, bratwurst, boomstick, choad, chub, chubby, cum gun, disco stick, pogo stick, dong, dude piston, piston, Excalibur (or any famous sword), trouser ferret, flesh flute, fire hose, fuck rod, fun stick, groin, member, hose, leaky hose, joystick, meat popsicle, love stick, love rod, middle leg, netherrod, pecker, Pedro, peepee (I can see Ana using this) peter, Johnson, prick

Wed, 22 May 2013 00:18:00 -0400

Anonymous asked 50shadesofwhy:

I COULD GO ON.

You’ve said more than enough, my friend. Thank you.

Come on, everybody! Let’s list every word for penis that...

Tue, 21 May 2013 14:01:34 -0400

Come on, everybody! Let’s list every word for penis that we can think of. It’ll be fun.

“His molten eyes ooze out of his head, leaving trails of...

Mon, 20 May 2013 14:01:20 -0400

“His molten eyes ooze out of his head, leaving trails of charred flesh in their wake.”

However many times I see "him" as a metonym for his dick, I still can't read "I place one of my hands around him" without thinking that she must have really massive hands.

Sun, 19 May 2013 15:30:00 -0400

I too, my friend. I too.

I’ve heard a lot of people talk about how hardcore Fifty...

Sun, 19 May 2013 14:01:41 -0400

I’ve heard a lot of people talk about how hardcore Fifty Shades is. I don’t know if you can call a novel which refuses to call a cock a cock ‘hardcore’.

Well, half the book. Also: nooooooo. Nooo. No.

Sat, 18 May 2013 14:01:34 -0400

Well, half the book.

Also: nooooooo. Nooo. No.

Sure, yeah, plenty of us name our dicks. But do we expect our...

Fri, 17 May 2013 14:01:27 -0400

Sure, yeah, plenty of us name our dicks. But do we expect our partners to know their names?

ariasune: One Shade of Grey An in-progress complete annotation...

Thu, 16 May 2013 14:40:42 -0400

ariasune:

One Shade of Grey

An in-progress complete annotation of Fifty Shades of Grey.

Now that’s what I’m talking about.

“I have no gag reflex, Christian!” (Image source)

Thu, 16 May 2013 13:20:33 -0400

“I have no gag reflex, Christian!”

(Image source)

I feel like a literary parrot again. “E.L’s saying...

Wed, 15 May 2013 14:40:44 -0400

I feel like a literary parrot again.

“E.L’s saying the same thing over and over. E.L’s saying the same thing over and over. E.L’s saying the same thing oooooovvvvvvvvveeeeer aaaaaannnnnddddd oooooovvvvvvvvveeeeer. Squawk.”

We’re going to be caught in a strange loop of sex scenes....

Tue, 14 May 2013 13:01:39 -0400

We’re going to be caught in a strange loop of sex scenes. HELP.

Apparently soap can cause irritation and skin damage to the...

Mon, 13 May 2013 13:01:31 -0400

Apparently soap can cause irritation and skin damage to the inner labia. Good to know.

Here’s my source:

“If you’ve ever spoken to another human being, watched television, read a book, or turned on the radio, you know [vaginas] are magical entities, enshrouded in mystery and curlicued hairs.”

Thanks, Divine Caroline.

We’re barely a page into the second sex scene in the book...

Sun, 12 May 2013 13:01:33 -0400

We’re barely a page into the second sex scene in the book and I’m bored already.

Hi, everyone! I’m glad you have a lot of questions for me. However, before you send me an ask,...

Sat, 11 May 2013 13:11:04 -0400

Hi, everyone! I’m glad you have a lot of questions for me. However, before you send me an ask, I’d like to direct your attention to the FAQ, which you may find at the bottom of this page. It’ll save us both a lot of time and prevent me from spamming the people who follow this blog with answers to questions I have previously answered. Thanks!

I’ve heard “taking no prisoners” before, but...

Sat, 11 May 2013 13:01:32 -0400

I’ve heard “taking no prisoners” before, but it’s been in the context of ruthless business deals and things like that. The implication is that one is in some sort of a battle, and rather than take any prisoners, one is mowing down every enemy in one’s path. That just…that doesn’t make sense in the context of breasts. I hope.

Half the time I’m writing comments to go on these posts, I...

Fri, 10 May 2013 13:01:45 -0400

Half the time I’m writing comments to go on these posts, I just want to put something like “!!!!!” or “?????” or “@#%$&!!” or “ASDFLJHF SHUT UP”. That doesn’t seem very eloquent, however, so I don’t.

See, we know they’re naked because E.L. just described...

Thu, 09 May 2013 13:01:29 -0400

See, we know they’re naked because E.L. just described them taking their clothes off. We don’t need to be told.

Protip: if you’re writing a smutty story, you should assume your audience will be primarily adults. If your audience is adults, you should treat your audience like adults rather than like little children who need to be reminded what’s going on every few minutes.