Also, Ana knows stuff she shouldn’t know. Of course, Grey’s smiles are “sly” or “dark”, because he’s going all, “in my pants/torture dungeon” after every sentence. But Ana can’t know that. To Ana, it should be a regular smile, or perhaps occasionally an inappropriate smile. It’s like Twilight. Even if you didn’t know the premise, the fact that Edward is a vampire is just unbelievable obvious. And so is Christian’s dark hobby.
I haven’t read How Not to Write a Novel, but it sounds like the kind of thing I’d like.
Perhaps Ana is special, after all: she has a preternatural awareness of other people’s thoughts. Unfortunately, she only gets through just enough of the telepathic fog to have a bare inkling of what’s going on—certainly not enough to keep her out of danger.