Fifty Shades of Why

New York Times #1 bestseller. Adapted from Twilight fanfiction.
This can't possibly end well.

26 notes

Anonymous asked: continuing on other anon's idea. "Inner Goddess" thinks Ana's life is some weird fictional story her brain has conjured. Little (or long) snippets pop into her head and she's like "WHY?! What are you doing figment of my imagination?! YOU'RE IN A DANGEROUS RELATIONSHIP! STAHP!" Maybe IG hangs out with friends and suddenly blurts out stuff like "YOU IDIOT! HE DOESN'T LOVE YOU!" and everyone goes "O_O" ... that would be a more interesting story. XD

Someone write this, for the love of god.

Filed under Ana's inner goddess Anonymous asks

25 notes

Anonymous asked: What if the inner goddess isn't mercurial, but a completely different person from an alternate dimension that Ana somehow has access to. Here's a girl who goes about her life, practicing dance and acrobatics, enjoying ice cream, and all we get to learn about her are small snippets psychically transferred to Ana's brain at random intervals. I'd rather hear the inner goddess' story. Who stole her ice cream? Why? Where did she learn acrobatics? Is she a circus performer? Now there's plot potential.

Ooh, I like it.

Filed under Ana's inner goddess Anonymous asks

13 notes

I am pleased that E.L. hasn’t decided to portray every blowjob as submissive, ‘cos blowjobs aren’t inherently submissive. Cool.
But then there’s the mysterious inner goddess. What does she want? She’s more mercurial than Christian has ever been.

I am pleased that E.L. hasn’t decided to portray every blowjob as submissive, ‘cos blowjobs aren’t inherently submissive. Cool.

But then there’s the mysterious inner goddess. What does she want? She’s more mercurial than Christian has ever been.

Filed under euphemisms Puns aside COCKS inconsistency consistency Both 'inconsistency' and 'consistency' autofill in the tag box. red pen Ana's inner goddess food Anastasia Steele Christian Grey Spare your virgin eyes. Naughty Bits nsfw fifty shades fifty shades of why fifty shades of grey e.l. james el james 50 shades 50 shades of why 50 shades of grey 50SoG 1050

153 notes

It’s here. Thanks, fiftyshadesthemovie.

My thoughts, in the order I had them:

  1. What are ‘appropriate audiences’? What are they going to rate this movie?
  2. Dakota Johnson has got jumpy and nervous down pat.
  3. This…sure looks like Fifty Shades of Grey. We’ve got the blonde secretaries, Ana’s awkward clothing and generally awkward existence, and we’ve even got an actor for Christian Grey who looks okay in a suit but has an astoundingly boring face.
  4. This still looks creepy. Really creepy.
  5. The trailer is appropriately naked. Or perhaps inappropriately naked. Point is, it’s the right amount of naked for a book in which the people spend most of their time naked.
  6. Those moans at the end are real subtle and classy, just like Fifty Shades itself.
  7. BEYONCE??? BEYONCE, HOW COULD YOU DO A SPECIAL VERSION OF A SONG JUST FOR THIS MOVIE? HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?

Filed under movie 50 shades movie 50 shades of grey movie fifty shades movie fifty shades of grey movie videos unnumbered

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Anonymous asked: Are you going to analyse the trailer? I'd LOVE you to do that. Pretty please?

Do y’all want me to? I’m not sure how well I could do, but I’ll at least reblog it with some commentary when it comes out.

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30 notes

Anonymous asked: Shut the hell up and stop tagging in the fifty shades tag. People track that tag because they actually enjoy the books. They don't want to see someone who clearly spends so much time hating on it nit-pick every little thing about the books. And honestly, you dedicating so much time trying to hate them, makes me think you secretly love them. Does some one need a good lay ?

Congratulations on being my first hateful anon in over a year!

Sorry, but I refuse to shut up.

In the past, Tumblr’s tagging system meant that a post only showed up in the first 5 tags on that post. My tag commentary in the first few tags ensured that my posts stayed out of #50 Shades, etc. Now Tumblr’s switched some stuff up and I have no idea what metric they use to show posts. If my posts incense you, Tumblr Savior my URL.

I don’t love 50 Shades. I love good BDSM and good writing and hate how hard this book tries and fails to embody both.

You should try nit-picking every little thing some time. It’s fun.

For the very TMI record, I got laid last night. And Sunday night. And Saturday night.

Filed under Sorry RL friends. Now you know that about me. anon hate god bless you Anonymous asks