Fifty Shades of Why

New York Times #1 bestseller. Adapted from Twilight fanfiction.
This can't possibly end well.

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 submitted

Actually, I would say it’s not that uncommon for someone (particularly cis females) to enjoy or at least not mind the smell of their SO’s sweat. In fact, for cis females, scent can be a large factor in picking (cis male) sexual partners.

Here is an article about the subject: http://thechart.blogs.cnn.com/2011/01/13/the-power-of-smell-in-picking-sex-partners/

Who knew? Thanks for the link, buff carrot spirit!

Tagged submission links cissexism (at link) bodily fluids

16 notes

HEY FOLLOWERS WHO LIKE SF/CYBERPUNK/WHATEVER THE HECK GENRE WE’RE CALLING IT NOW (ALSO FOLLOWERS WHO LIKE WRITING):

consolecadet:

I’m looking for volunteers to critique bits of Biophone. The bits are all between about 700 and 1200 words, and shouldn’t take more than an hour to read through and leave comments on. You don’t need to be an English major or even consider yourself good at writing. The more eyes of varying knowledge and background I can get on this thing, the better it’ll turn out.

Your time is valuable. I’d be super grateful if you could contribute a few minutes of it to my project. <3

Let me know if you’re interested by emailing me at consolecadet @ gmail . com. If you’re not interested, please consider signal boosting. Thanks so much!

Unrelated to 50 Shades, but related to writing: I’m working on a near-future science fiction short story collection to release at the end of the summer. If you’re into providing critique (hopefully slightly more balanced than 50shadesofwhy’s) and want to take a look, shoot me an email.

If you’d like to see updates on the book, follow bernoff, my author blog. I post about it every couple of days.

(via bernoff)

Tagged OT metablogging writing links maintenance reblog fret not friends we shall return to your regularly scheduled snark after this post

17 notes

aroree-bluemountain asked: I don't know if you read any Cracked articles, or if this has been linked already, but I thought this might interest you; have you read the Cracked article "4 Ways the '50 Shades of Grey' Film Is Worse Than You Expect"?

I have not. Thanks for the rec! Here’s a link for everyone.

Filed under movie links aroree-bluemountain asks

5 notes

Anonymous asked: Wow, thanks. I now have the image of Christian Spaghettihands (like Edward Scissorhands) stuck in my mind. Christian Spaghettihands with flame-spitting eyes. On an unrelated topic, how on earth did E.L. manage to find someone who wanted to spend more than 5 minutes with her?

You’re welcome.

Maybe E.L. is charming in person. It is possible.

What amazes me is that she wound up married to another writer. If her husband was a person who wasn’t into writing—say, a plumber who enjoyed having can openers in his butthole (“Our first Christmas together I bought her a tin opener, and my earliest experience of kinky sex was her trying to shove it up my arse”)—I would be far less amazed that they managed to stay together.

Filed under writing nsfw spare your virgin eyes relationships Anonymous asks

22 notes


…I would proof-read it, checking her spelling, adding and subtracting commas, cutting back on those bloody ellipses…and occasionally suggesting a tweak if I thought the meaning was unclear. We&#8217;d sworn we&#8217;d never work together in TV – as a producer she would have fired me that day I was directing The Bill and ran over by 30 minutes – but one evening a week we&#8217;d sit down together at her laptop and go through her latest instalment, and somehow we managed that for 18 months without killing each other. We did fall out once; I stomped off without finishing the chapter, and she published it anyway, and if any commas were in the wrong place, no one noticed. Whenever Erika encountered a story problem, she&#8217;d describe it, and I – being a bloke – would come up with a simple solution that was clear, elegant and always so utterly wrong she&#8217;d immediately devise her own. I don&#8217;t think she once followed a suggestion of mine.

&#8212;Niall Leonard, E.L. James&#8217; husband
Source
Poor, long-suffering Niall Leonard.

…I would proof-read it, checking her spelling, adding and subtracting commas, cutting back on those bloody ellipses…and occasionally suggesting a tweak if I thought the meaning was unclear. We’d sworn we’d never work together in TV – as a producer she would have fired me that day I was directing The Bill and ran over by 30 minutes – but one evening a week we’d sit down together at her laptop and go through her latest instalment, and somehow we managed that for 18 months without killing each other. We did fall out once; I stomped off without finishing the chapter, and she published it anyway, and if any commas were in the wrong place, no one noticed. Whenever Erika encountered a story problem, she’d describe it, and I – being a bloke – would come up with a simple solution that was clear, elegant and always so utterly wrong she’d immediately devise her own. I don’t think she once followed a suggestion of mine.

—Niall Leonard, E.L. James’ husband

Source

Poor, long-suffering Niall Leonard.

Filed under ... Repetitive. Repetitive. Repetitive. punctuation unlikely orgasm failed metaphors nsfw Spare your virgin eyes. Naughty Bits Anastasia Steele Christian Grey fifty shades fifty shades of why fifty shades of grey e.l. james el james 50 shades 50 shades of why 50 shades of grey 50SoG 1055

3 notes

shortforabaddon asked: Would you hate me forever if I made a photo edit with anuses for nipples? Because I am tempted to.

I would not hate you forever, but I might be deeply unnerved.

Filed under nsfw shortforabaddon asks

20 notes

The thing about punctuation is&#8230;it&#8217;s not all interchangeable&#8230;if you use it the wrong way people will notice&#8212;you can&#8217;t just forget to use periods for days and days&#8230;you&#8217;ll wind up with gigantic run-on sentences&#8230;like this&#8230;

The thing about punctuation is…it’s not all interchangeable…if you use it the wrong way people will notice—you can’t just forget to use periods for days and days…you’ll wind up with gigantic run-on sentences…like this…

Filed under punctuation ... sparkling dialogue dialogue tags red pen Repetitive. Repetitive. Repetitive. Speak up! I can't hear you over all this muttering. nsfw Spare your virgin eyes. Naughty Bits Anastasia Steele Christian Grey fifty shades fifty shades of why fifty shades of grey e.l. james el james 50 shades 50 shades of why 50 shades of grey 50SoG 1053